Lucid
by Led Feynman M.D
Summary: Azula has a conversation. Wait, Does a conversation have to involve two people? I keep my promises.


Somewhere outside the window, a cicada buzzed sporadically. In hotter climes, the chirping of a cicada is almost ubiquitous during the summer. Phoenix in June sounds like a great big Square Wave.

But the city of Phoenix doesn't exist to Azula. At that particular moment, the only thing that existed to her was her room and the cicada somewhere outside.

She had no reason to worry about anything else. Orderlies brought her near-gourmet food thrice daily, she never had to make any important decisions like poor Zuzu, in fact the only thing she really had to concentrate on at any particular moment was remembering to go to the bathroom, but that was almost second-nature.

She was laying on her bed, her legs crossed and her arms behind her head, focusing on patterns in the ceiling.

The cicada stopped. She closed her eyes in relief, but only briefly as it started again. Then she swore.

"Why won't that damn thing shut up?"

Azula shook her head, more accurately rolling her head across her clasped hands. "I don't know. I think that's a mating call." She must remember to ask why cicadas were the most annoying insects ever.

She counted her teeth with her tongue for a few seconds, then, "Zuko and Mai are probably already married."

Her wince was almost audible. The longer she went without thinking about everyone else, the better. "I know. They probably had kids too. And either way, why did you feel the need to bring it up?"

"You were talking about mating. It was a logical jump."

She raised her hands into the air. "How does that follow any logical thought? Insect sex to my brother and his girlfriend?"

There was no reply for a second. "Are you jealous?"

Azula rolled onto her side. "No."

"Ok, you literally can not lie to me. I mean literally in the sense that you physically can not."

"Okay, fine. Maybe someday, I want to get out of here. I want to live somewhere where no one bothers me. A cottage in the woods or something. And I'll have a flower garden and a humming-bear feeder."

"Wow. How romantic. You've thought about that a lot, haven't you?"

"Shut up!" She was slightly embarrassed for divulging such personal information.

Another cicada joined the din. The two swore again.

"Hey."

"What?" Azula mumbled.

"Do you think you'll ever stop needing me?"

The question scared Azula. She was the only thing Azula had similar to a friend. Talking to her was keeping her sane, however ironic that was.

"I don't know."

"Well I would think. You'll grow up someday, and you won't need me anymore."

Azula's breath turned to lead in her lungs. The thought was beyond upsetting. "Aren't you afraid?"

"No, I accept it," She said. Her calmness in the face of existential death calmed Azula down too.

"How?"

"It's a fact of life. Like gravity, or the sun rising. You have to accept it, because there is simply no alternative."

Azula laid quietly for a long time. Never had any of their conversations made her so uneasy. Her stomach knotted.

"Do you think... Do you think I'll find love?"

"Love? Well, define love first."

"Uh..." How does one define love? "Remember earlier, when I was talking about the cottage in the woods? Well, I mean, love like someone I'm going to share that with."

"Redemption is possible, but not always for everyone. It's entirely possible that you wind up with the man of your dreams."

Azula bit her lip.

"Woman of your dreams?"

"No no, man. I just- what if I can't? What if I don't know how and I die in that cottage?"

"Like I said, it's not for everyone. You could fall in love the first day you walk out of here. You could live in the woods until you die and never know the touch of a loved one. You could even be a bit of a flooze, taking a string of nameless lovers..."

"No, no. I want real love. Marry, have kids, get old, die and get buried together love."

Azula looked down at her foot. As she got more and more involved, her foot tapped fasted and faster until the slipper worked its way off her heel and fell onto her shin. She kicked it off her bed.

"Well, if you choose that kind of life, remember that the person you will marry is alive on this planet. All you have to do is meet him. Or maybe you've already met him."

The Princess found herself thinking about a certain Watertribesman.

"Whatever you do, you'll be good at it. Not to inflate your ego, but you are good at lots of things."

"Thanks."

The door knocked and a woman in white robes came in with a tray. "And how are you today, Princess?"

"Fine." She sat up and took the tray.

Azula ate her sandwich and mashed potatoes, but when she was done with everything else, she took her cup of pills, pulled the blankets off the foot of her bed, exposed a tear in her mattress, and dumped them inside.

* * *

What does the word "Lucid" mean to you guys?


End file.
